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One of the most difficult aspects of this ordeal, contrary to the opinion of a few, is the public scrutiny and misinterpretation of my thoughts, actions, and intent. Without knowing my personality, strengths, weaknesses and history, there is no way to accurately judge me. The assertions that I am narcissistic are absurd. My goal in all of this is to preserve my children's fundamental right to be with their natural mother. They are always loved and always wanted. Without severe sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum, sleep deprivation, malnutrition, anemia, thyroid disorder, trauma) which incapacitated and isolated me, I would never have fallen prey to the coercion and pressure placed on me.
I never pursued adoption - I planned and saved for a decade to be a mother. I endured two years of invasive, expensive and painful fertility treatments. I was ready and willing to be a mother whatever it cost me. Thus, I fought hard and risked my life to have a term pregnancy. Friends helped me figure out the best stroller for twins, the best clothes for breastfeeding, and the essentials I needed for the early months. I was too sick to decorate a nursery and fully prepare for the babies' homecoming. The trauma of the pregnancy and delivery complications left me weak and scared of the future - not the confident, strong person I usually am. Caring fro the twins around the clock meant just 2-3 hours of sleep at a time. I lost my ability to think clearly, plan, coordinate, problem-solve, and comprehend anything more than simple routine tasks. There was no time to eat, care for myself, run errands, or do much of anything besides care for my children. I gave them my all.
The nannies I hired only cared for one child, meaning I did not rest. I cared for the other child and if time permitted, tried to sleep or prepare bottles and other important tasks. It is known that in the first few months after delivery, new mothers are often in worse shape physically and emotionally than at delivery. Thus, at five weeks, the sheer exhaustion was overwhelming. I never realized I had not even recovered from my c-section or hyperemesis. My only focus was my children.
Adoption is the only kidnapping in the law books where the perpetrators actually get to keep the ransom. The only way for the mother to protect herself and her baby from the threats of these kidnappers, is to surrender it to them. Guns are not needed - fear of the future is the main weapon used in this crime. It’s ridiculously easy to distress and confuse any new mother suffering from an imbalance of hormones following a birth. Like taking candy off a baby, or taking a baby off your victim once you have her vulnerable, confused, depressed, and also desperate for your approval. In rape literature this is known as ‘dehumanising’ your victim. (Joss Shawyer)
In that state, it's easy to see how others could convince you that you could not parent these children - that you were too tired, too sick, and single. Hours and hours of questioning my competence and affirming my fears left me frightened and confused. I eventually caved to the pressure, only to realize what had happened when family members of the Needhams drove off with my children. I immediately tried to get them back, but it's been two years and they still refuse. When I called them to say I realized this was wrong, and not what I wanted, they had NOT even signed papers or had the children for more than eight hours (and the children were asleep).
What am I supposed to do? Just say "ok" and let my children be left with the confusion over the loss of that initial bond we shared? The courts have kept the children with the Needhams and allowed the litigation to go on for two years. Now it is out of control. My children are suffering and no one wants to right this wrong.
Ok, so how is anyone supposed to condone this outrageous tragedy? Blame the victim. It's classic strategy. Portray the mother as being unstable, obsessed, and attention-seeking, while the adopters stay quiet so no one can find anything potentially damaging or question their actions and intent. If others perceive the mother as a danger to the children, they can feel justified in taking the children. This is cruel and damaging to all involved. Who would have believed this could happen in the country of the free. I guess that explains why I get letters of support from around the world from those expressing their outrage and encouraging me to never give up.
Since my job history was stable and I was highly educated and financially secure, there was little reason to condone an adoption, especially with my immediate revocation. So, I (and no one else) was subjected to extensive psychological testing and evaluations prior to trial, yet nothing abnormal was found in the testing. Only one of the five health professionals (psychologist, psychiatrist, nurse, OB) that testified suggested anything abnormal, and he did the least evaluating of any of them. He was also a friend of the adoption attorney. My medical records were never reviewed by him, nor did he do any assessments or standardized tests. He knew little about hyperemesis, IV nutrition, or the impact of the many complications occuring during my pregnancy and delivery. Despite nearly dying twice, he asserted that I exaggerated the severity of my medical condition. I think we can assume bias in his testimony. However, the Judge Mathis, who presided over the trial, used his testimony to justify granting the adoption.
Here is an excerpt from the extensive evaluation of me by expert, Dr. Bloomfield, followed by a transcript for ease of reading.
[Transcript of above: "During the course of the evaluative process, she presented in no particular, acute distress. There was nothing unusual found. She demonstrated no limitations in any of the domains that I assessed. There were no signs or evidence of a thought disorder or a major affective, cognitive or behavioral disorder. She showed no abnormalities of thought, affect or behavior, no gross abnormalities, nothing bizarre and no cognitive slippages. I did not find her to use any unusual kinds of logic or strange associations. There were no indications of psychosis or organicity. There were no hallucinations or delusions. She seemed to experience thoughts in a spontaneous and normal manner while remaining lucid and coherent. I failed to elicit any symptomatic behaviors."]
After two years, and about a million dollars, I have lost everything and still do not have my children. What little I have remaining, was claimed by the judge in federal court. There is no end in sight, and each day that passes, my children suffer the loss of their mother.
No court can justify this tragedy. The lower court ruling needs to be reviewed and compared with the evidence and testimony. Until this is done, my family will suffer harm as this ruling continues to defame my character and represent only the interests of the respondants. This ordeal has created immeasurable stress that seems to never end. Only when I am with my precious children, am I able to put all of this aside and enjoy life as it should be.
However, it is not only financial losses that is suffered by individuals but, the failure of the legal system has been found by a noted psychologist, Karin Huffer to inflict severe psychological harm as well on the victims, to which she coined the terms "Legal Abuse Syndrome" a form of "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder".
JudicialAccountability.org
Children should be in a stable home, and even though I had more than adequate resources and willingness, not to mention parenting experience with a child related to the Needham family, custody has not been returned. My basic constitutional right to parent my children has been denied, as have my children's right to be with me. This unbelievable travesty of justice will one day be resolved by the courts, or by Tyler and Holly when they are of age.
I fear the confusion and anger they may feel when they see their loving and competent mother was denied a relationship with them, even to the point of being put in jail and bankrupted. The damage that has been done to my children is irrecoverable. Returning them to me will ultimately cause the least harm as they will have their identity returned and perhaps I will be able to shield them from learning about the traumatic events of the last two years. Imposing this life-long emotional burden on them is cruel and shows little regard for their well-being.
I hope and pray each day that the courts will reverse this wrong and restore my family. Each day, more damage is done. How can anyone say this is in the best interests of my children?
"It can no longer be assumed that one can replace the biological
mother with another "primary caregiver" without the child’s
being both aware of the substitution and traumatized by it."
Nancy Newton Verrier, Ph.D., "The Primal Wound"
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